12 October 2006

And Now For Something Completely Different

Monty Python's Terry Jones congratulates the Torturer-In-Chief.

Dear President Bush,

I write to you in my capacity as secretary of the
World League of Despots.

It is with great pleasure that I am finally able to
extend an official invitation to you to join our
ranks. For many years, we have watched your
efforts to fulfil the requirements necessary to
join our number. From the start, we were greatly
impressed by your disdain for democratic
principles - the way you wrested power from the
democratically elected candidate in the 2000
election, and again in 2005 when you managed
to swing what was clearly going to be a victory
for your opponent.

Contempt for human life has always been a
priority requirement for membership of the
league, and I and my fellow adjudicators were
well aware of your record as governor of Texas
when you quadrupled the number of state
executions. But your record since seizing power
has surpassed even our expectations. The
thousands of innocent people in Iraq, who have
died so that you could fulfil your declared
political objective of establishing "an American
force presence in the Middle East", attest to your
eligibility to join our ranks. I cannot, however,
disguise the fact that we adjudicators were
extremely anxious when you announced your
intention to remove from office one of our most
stalwart members, Mr Saddam Hussein. However,
we need not have worried. According to a recent
UN report, you have ensured that there are now
even more human rights abuses in Iraq than there
were under Saddam. No less than 10% of those
in custody are being physically or psychologically
abused. Well done!